


I Can't Wait to be Your Number One

by Fernon



Series: Best Friend [2]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Best Friends, Break Up, Drinking, Eventual Happy Ending, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, Happy Ending, Heavy Angst, M/M, Not Actually Unrequited Love, Unrequited Love, hongjoong is broke, it gets happy, soft stuff at the end
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-29
Updated: 2019-06-29
Packaged: 2020-05-30 18:42:26
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,736
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19409128
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fernon/pseuds/Fernon
Summary: When does Hongjoong get his chance at happiness?





	I Can't Wait to be Your Number One

**Author's Note:**

> PART TWO. IT IS NOW COMPLETE. YOU HAVE TO READ PART ONE FOR IT TO MAKE SENSE.

Hongjoong wakes in the morning to the door of the bedroom opening and a startled shriek emitting from his ex-roommate. Hongjoong rubs his eyes, sitting up, confused and still tired.

“Oh, uh… Hongjoong, what are you doing… in my bed?” Yunho looks confused. 

“I-” Hongjoong doesn’t know where to begin himself, he just finds himself staring in bewilderment, and then he closes his mouth. He opens it again to speak, and he finds words tumbling from his mouth before he can even stop them. “I miss you, Yunho.”

Yunho’s confused expression turns into a frown, and he sits beside Hongjoong on the empty mattress. “Joong, I’m sorry. I know I sprung this on you out of the blue, and I know we haven’t spent much time together, but-”

Hongjoong just shakes his head and clings to Yunho’s side, sniffling quietly. Yunho wraps him up tight, like he used to before Mingi came along, and Hongjoong clutches at fistfuls of the other’s shirt, while he sniffles and hides his face in Yunho’s side.

“You’re crying? Hongjoong…” Yunho sighs and his grip around his small friend tightens, in comfort and out of protectiveness. “What’s going on with you? You’ve been hiding things, and you’ve been… you haven’t been happy.”

“I  _ have _ been happy,” Hongjoong tries to insist, through his year soaked cheeks.

“No, Hongjoong. I’ve been friends with you for… going on sixteen years now, and I know you when you’re actually  _ happy. _ I don’t know what’s making you fake it, but I can tell you’re hurting. You know you can tell me anything, right?” 

_ I’m in love with you, Yunho, and I have been for almost four years now. _

_ Seeing you with a Mingi kills me. _

_ I don’t know how to handle my own feelings so I’m slowly ruining my own life. _

_ Not this, I can’t tell you this, Yunho. _

“It’s nothing.” Hongjoong says quietly.

“Is this about being the last single friend? I’ve noticed all the dates you’ve tried to sneak out to go on. Hongjoong, that’s not going to give you happiness, relationships aren’t everything.” Yunho runs his fingers through Hongjoong’s hair, and Hongjoong bites his tongue to avoid crying harder.

“No, it’s not that.”

“Is this about Mingi and I? I can’t help but notice that it started around then…”

_ Yes! _ Hongjoong wants to scream.  _ Yes, absolutely it’s you two being together that’s been the bane of my existence! _

But Hongjoong just shakes his head. “No, Yunho.”

Yunho just sighs. “I guess I won’t push it. You’ll tell me when you’re ready.” Yunho plays with Hongjoong’s hair, and after a while, the two of them lay back on the bed, Hongjoong tucked into Yunho’s side, tears dry, heart hurting.

“How about tonight you and I go out? Just the two of us? Like the old times,” Yunho suggests. Hongjoong nods and clutches tighter to Yunho’s t-shirt.

“Yes please…” 

“Great!” Yunho sits up, taking Hongjoong with him, and places a quick kiss to the mussed hair on Hongjoong’s head. “I’ll see you at 7, Joongie!” Yunho ruffles his hair, and heads down the hall to their bathroom.

Hongjoong listens to the front door close, and Hongjoong just buried his face into Yunho’s old pillow and cries again.

Hongjoong drags himself out of bed an hour before he and Yunho are supposed to go on their friend night, and showers quickly. He puts on some jeans and a t-shirt, not really caring about his appearance when it comes to Yunho. Yunho shows up at 6:55, to pick Hongjoong up, and they go to a little barbeque place a few blocks away, and then see a late movie. Afterwards, Yunho takes his last few boxes to Mingi’s, and Hongjoong is left alone. 

A month passes, with failed roommate ads, and attempts at being happy, and a month’s worth of their usual friend dinners. After the fourth one, Hongjoong is struggling. His bank account has a whopping twenty cents in it, and the bills are starting to be too much to pay on his own. Not to mention grocery shopping, which Hongjoong either has cheap gas station cup ramen, or he goes hungry. He has to save his money for the friend dinners, which he usually is scraping for anyways. But they’re about the only good things in his life anymore, nobody else seems to have time for him anymore, and he doesn’t have time for them, either.

Hongjoong tries for another month to find a new roommate, without success. He’s miserable, he’s barely seen Yunho lately, and when he has, it’s been at the friend dinners, where he’s with Mingi, and they’re  _ happy _ , probably more so than Hongjoong ever will be. Hongjoong picks up a second job, which doesn’t pay much more than the first, and doesn’t help much more than the first job, either. Grad school ends, and Hongjoong searches for a real job, one in his field of work, without success. 

Hongjoong is hungry, depressed, lonely, and broke. It’s at a friend dinner, when Hongjoong clears his throat. All his friends drop their conversations with their boyfriends, and with each other, and look at him.

“I… If you haven’t noticed, I don’t exactly have a roommate. And… I have the two jobs, and… they don’t cut it. It’s hard, and I’m not really sure what to do anymore. I don’t have the money to keep hosting the friend dinners. I’m sorry.” Hongjoong feels the ugliest burning feeling of humiliation. 

“Hongjoong… You should have told us…” Seonghwa’s voice is quiet. “I thought you were doing okay…” A hand falls on his shoulder gently, and gives him a gentle squeeze. 

“Well I’m not. Call me stupid for not wanting to ask for help, but this is- it’s  _ embarrassing. _ I’m a fucking adult, for fucks sake. I’m not supposed to suck this bad at life.” Hongjoong sighs. “I just. I had to tell you guys that. I can’t have the friend dinners anymore, and it’s not fair on you guys to pay, because they’re at my house, and they were my idea in the first place.”

“We can hold them at our house, instead. It’s alright, Hongjoong.” Yunho says softly. Everyone turns to look at him and Mingi. “I mean, our apartment is bigger, and I helped the idea of these dinners come to life, so… I should take some responsibility for it.”

Mingi gives Yunho a look. 

“Mingi, I can handle it. It’ll be okay.” Yunho says, kissing Mingi’s cheek. Hongjoong has to look away, so he looks down at his lap. 

“Thank you…” Hongjoong’s voice is quiet. 

Hongjoong dreads the next friend dinner, dreads going to the place where Yunho is happy without him. Considerations of taking a rain check race through his mind. But he makes himself go. It’ll be the first time in a week that he’s had good food, and he’s tired of being alone in this damn apartment. He puts on his happiest face, even though he’s not feeling it, and makes the walk to Yunho’s apartment. 

He knocks on the door of the address that Yunho had texted everyone. It’s in the nice part of town, in a sleek looking building. Yunho opens the door, grinning. “Joongie! You’re here! You’re the first one. Come in!” Yunho holds the door open more for Hongjoong, and he steps in, and stares at the apartment in front of him. It’s modern, and sleek, and all open, with huge bay windows overlooking the city. The kitchen has marble looking countertops, and all new appliances, and there stands Mingi, cooking up a storm, complete with an apron. 

Yunho hugs Hongjoong, and Hongjoong blinks, but hugs him back, a bit confused. 

“Hongjoong… You’re so thin!” Yunho moves away, his hands staying on Hongjoong’s shoulders, and he looks at him with concern. “Are you eating properly?”

“Yes, Yunho, I’m alright. I just haven’t been eating as much, okay? I needed a diet. I guess.” Hongjoong mumbles, thinking back to the horrible dates he had, and the rather rude things they all said. He supposes he hasn’t noticed himself getting thinner, but he had been, now that he thinks about it. All his jeans were probably a size too big, and all his shirts were baggy now. 

“No, you didn’t, you were perfect before. I’ll send you home with all the leftovers, okay?” Yunho hugs him again. “How has work been?”

“Shitty,” is all Hongjoong mutters, with a deep sigh. 

“I’m sorry Joongie. Any luck with any law firms?”

“Nope. I had an interview a few days ago, but I think I blew it. They kept looking at me like ‘this kid was in school for eight whole years, and aced his degree, what the fuck is he doing in our office for, trying to become a lawyer?’ and it sucked. The advertisement for the assistant position said that it required so many years of experience which I clearly don’t have. I don’t think I got it.”

“And you have so much  _ debt. _ Well, they’re assholes for not hiring you. You had amazing grades and your professors all thought you were the best in your class. You’re super talented, Joong.” 

“Yeah, but not enough so for all eight of the law firms I’ve applied at.” Hongjoong sighs again. There’s another knock at the door, and Yunho is hurrying away from Hongjoong to answer it, and it’s Seonghwa and Yeosang. And they’ve been ‘on again’ for almost six months now, quite possibly the longest that they’d ever been ‘on again,’ and this time in an  _ actual  _ relationship, since Yeosang hadn’t rejected Seonghwa when he asked him to be his boyfriend. 

Jongho and Wooyoung aren’t far behind, and once they’re all in, Yunho escorts them to the dining table, and then helps Mingi bring in food, a smile on Mingi’s face. He greets everyone, and then they all sit down to eat, and Hongjoong feels like he’s in hell again. He can’t help but be jealous. This apartment is gorgeous, and Mingi is talking about his job, and all his business trips to Japan, and he’s holding hands with Yunho, and pressing kisses to his temple every once in a while, and they’re so  _ happy. _

Hongjoong leaves miserable, and the second he’s in his apartment, he puts the leftovers Yunho sent him with into the fridge, and curls up in his bed, wanting to sleep forever, and not deal with this anymore. 

Things start to look up for Hongjoong the following Monday, when the law firm calls him and asks him to come in and make a work schedule. The first thing he does is text Yunho, who congratulates him. Hongjoong asks him to get drinks, as celebration, and Yunho gladly accepts. Yunho ends up falling asleep on Hongjoong’s couch that night, snuggled into Hongjoong’s side, just like old times. 

Two weeks later, Hongjoong is done with his two old jobs, and starting at his new job, and thriving, happier than he’s been in a long time. Yunho has been over just about every available second, which is odd, but any time that Hongjoong asks, Yunho just says he’s missed his best friend. Hongjoong is okay with this, not suspecting anything, and not thinking anything of it. Until Yunho shows up at his door unannounced, with a suitcase and two boxes, his face streaked with tears. 

“Yunho?” Hongjoong can only blink in shock, before Yunho is surging forward and clinging to Hongjoong, sobbing into his chest. 

“He broke up with me, Hongjoong…” Yunho wails. Hongjoong just wraps Yunho in his arms and holds him close to his chest.

“Yunho, I’m so sorry…” Hongjoong rubs his back gently, comforting the other as best as he can. He lets Yunho cry like that for a few minutes until he notices a few people in the hallway heading to their apartment, staring at the two of them with ‘what the fuck’ expressions. “Yunho, why don’t we come inside, and sit on the couch, okay? You can put on your pajamas, and I’ll bring your stuff in and I’ll get you a glass of water and something to eat, okay? And my favorite soft blanket. And you can watch whatever you want to.”

“Can we cuddle too?” Yunho says quietly.

“Of course, Yunho.” Hongjoong says softly, patting his hair gently and then giving him a soft push towards the hallway, so he can go change. Yunho drags his suitcase down the hall to the bathroom and Hongjoong hears the door shut. Hongjoong steps into the hallway to grab a box and lets out a tiny grunt trying to lift one of them. What the hell is in this box, bricks? He tugs at the box again, only to fall on his ass with a small squeak, so he huffs and opts for trying to drag the box into the house. He manages it, with much humiliation, because upon shoving the box through the doorway, he sees Yunho standing in the kitchen in a pair of short athletic shorts, and an oversized white sweater that hangs off his shoulder.

He lets out a small giggle through a tear soaked face, at the sight of Hongjoong trying to shove the box along. “I can get the other one, Joongie. It’s okay. You can get started on the other stuff.”

“Are you sure?” Hongjoong tries to ignore the pink tint on his cheeks, and push away the embarrassed feeling in his chest. He also pushes aside the horrible elation he feels that the  _ nicknames _ are back. 

“Of course, Joongie. You’re struggling with one box, I can get the other. Besides, I kinda showed up unannounced, and you’re doing a lot for me…”

“It’s not a problem, Yunho. Really. You’re my best friend, I’d do anything for you.” Hongjoong says, and he  _ means it. _

“Thank you…” Yunho says softly, before ducking into the hallway and hefting the box off the ground and into his old room. Or possibly room... _ again?  _ Hongjoong doesn’t know yet, and he doubts Yunho does either, so he just busies himself with making some beef ramen, which he had been saving as a little celebratory dinner for the end of the week, but Yunho could use it more, Hongjoong decides. 

Hongjoong fries the meat, and boils the noodles, and adds some pre-made broth, which he bought because he knew he wouldn’t be home all day to spend time making real broth, with work. He adds some steamed vegetables in the mix, which he steams in the microwave (crude, but he’s working with limited time, here) and then adds some of them to the broth, and then drains the noodles and adds them to the bowl, along with the beef. 

He doesn’t hear Yunho shuffle into the kitchen, and he startles when he feels Yunho nuzzling up to him. “Beef ramen? Hongjoong, that’s too much.” Yunho says, and Hongjoong can tell he’s going to cry. 

“No, Yunho. It’s okay, honestly, it’s about the only thing in the house. Unless you’d rather eat shitty instant ramen or oatmeal. Poor man’s diet.” Hongjoong chuckles.

“And you just happened to pull beef out of your fridge?” Yunho sniffles.

“Ah… It was my ‘I finally got a real job’ splurge. I was planning to celebrate my first week with a real adult job. Don’t worry about it, Yunnie.” Hongjoong scratches the back of his neck sheepishly. 

“Joongie…” Yunho starts to cry again, shoving his face in Hongjoong’s shoulder, as he wails. “You’re too good to me…” Yunho sobs. 

_ If only you knew, Yunho… _ Hongjoong sighs. “It’s alright, Yunho. Really.” Hongjoong assures him, reaching behind him to gently pat his head. “I’ll be happy if you give me your biggest piece of beef?” Hongjoong tries. 

“You can have as much beef as you want, Hongjoong… I’m sorry I’m like this…” Yunho wails and clings tighter to Yunho. 

“Shh… Don’t say that Yunho, you couldn’t see him ending things.”

“But I could, Joong… He was  _ distant _ , he has been since I moved in, or maybe it’s because he picked up a side job, he’s a fucking workaholic, or something, but he just- he didn’t have time for me anymore, and we started fighting more, like when I offered to host the friend dinners, he had so many objections, and he wasn’t an ass about it, he just- he didn’t want everyone over. He’s got some anxiety issues with that, he doesn’t like people in his personal space, which is why it was a huge step for me to even move in…

“Then we fought over nothing and everything all at once, I don’t know. It’s like we just fell apart, and he started  _ avoiding me _ , he’d come home late from his other job, saying he was picking up extra hours, and then he was sleeping on the couch when he came home instead of coming into bed- I should have seen it coming, I’d try and cuddle him in the morning and he’d push me out again, and when we broke up, he said he needed to figure himself out, which I understand, but he told me he wanted to figure it out alone, and that he was leaving for Japan again at the end of the week, and I could use my key to pick my stuff up while he was away.” Yunho blubbers into Hongjoong’s shoulder, and Hongjoong’s face contorts into a pout. 

“Yunho, I’m so sorry…” Hongjoong says softly. “I didn’t know… Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I didn’t want to worry you… You’d been struggling so much and the least I needed to do was weigh you down with my stupid relationship problems.”

“Yunho, you can tell me anything, you know that. No matter what.”

“I’m sorry, Hongjoong.”

“Don’t apologize, sweetie. It’s alright. Your food is done, go get the blanket off my bed, okay?” Hongjoong gently pats Yunho’s shoulder and gives him another small nudge towards the hallway, and he shuffles away, to Hongjoong’s room.

They spend the night watching funny cliche movies, and Yunho feeds Hongjoong pieces of beef when he’s not crying. Hongjoong pulls out some ice cream for afterwards, and promises Yunho some good soju tomorrow night, and they fall asleep on the couch tangled up in one another, wedged in the small space of the couch. 

Hongjoong comes home with three bottles of soju for himself and Yunho after work the next evening, while the latter of the two spent his day unpacking, or… laying on Hongjoong’s bed, based on the litter of clothing in Yunho’s room, and the lack of clothing in the open dresser drawers, and the fact that Hongjoong finds Yunho in a tiny blanket burrito on his bed, with a box of tissues. 

“Yunnie… I bought that soju you like. I’ll make us shitty instant noodles and we can unpack your clothes, okay?” Hongjoong sits on the bed next to Yunho and sets a gentle hand on Yunho’s shoulder. Yunho sniffles.

“I don’t wanna unpack.” His voice is quiet and hoarse from crying.

“But you need to, honey. Not unpacking isn’t going to change anything. Besides, then your clothes will be all wrinkly, and I know you hate ironing.” Hongjoong coos. 

“Fine… Can we cuddle for five minutes? Please?” Yunho’s voice sounds tiny, and Hongjoong knows he’s pouting. 

“I… alright fine. Five minutes. I’m setting a timer.”

“No you’re not. You like cuddles too much.”

“Shh. I’m totally setting a timer.” Hongjoong says, as he lays next to Yunho, and snuggles up to him. 

Hongjoong makes them shitty instant noodles after they at least get Yunho’s work clothes hung up in his closet, and his shirts folded into his drawers. Yunho works on his socks and underwear in the meantime, which is approximately three minutes, and then five minutes for the noodles to cool off enough to eat. Hongjoong calls him and uncaps a bottle of soju and pours them each a cup.

Yunho shuffles out to the kitchen, still wrapped in a blanket, and sits at the table, and takes a swig of his soju, before going at the cup noodles like a ravenous animal. Hongjoong just shrugs and starts on his own dinner, and then follows up with a few swigs of the soju in his cup. They eat in relative silence until Yunho stands and grabs the bottle off the counter, and just uncaps it and tips it back down his throat. 

“Yunho, I-” Hongjoong begins, but Yunho just has a few gulps and sets the bottle on the table, and finishes his noodles. 

“We’re cuddling more after this. I don’t want to finish my clothes tonight.”

Hongjoong sighs. “Alright fine, demanding much? What if I had plans?” Hongjoong raises an eyebrow. 

“You don’t.” Yunho states, helping himself to more to drink. 

“How rude! I always have plans.” Hongjoong feigns being hurt.

“You always tell me your plans, Joongie.” Yunho blinks at Hongjoong’s act, and takes a few more swigs from the bottle. 

“Yunnie, I don’t think drinking is going to be very helpful in this situation,” Hongjoong prompts gently, and takes the bottle away from him, opting to pour him another glass and then capping the bottle.

“Where you gonna hide it? I can find all the high up places because  _ I’m  _ tall.” Yunho sticks his tongue out, and Hongjoong pouts.

“Yunho, why are you being so mean to me?” Hongjoong states, exasperated. “No cuddles for you if you’re gonna keep being a meanie.”

Yunho instantly pouts at that. “No, Joongie! I’m sorry!” Yunho whines and lunges for Hongjoong, clinging to him, nuzzling his face into his shoulder like a cat. “I’m sorryyyy!” Yunho pleas. 

“Okay fine, we can cuddle.”

“Yay!” Yunho finishes his beverage quickly and drags Hongjoong to his room, grabbing out Hongjoong’s laptop from on top of his desk, and demands more comedies on Netflix, to which Hongjoong obliges. They lay there for a while, before Yunho gets the hiccups, and is far too silly to focus on the Netflix show. 

His hands are all over Hongjoong, which isn’t unlike Yunho’s drunken state, let alone his sober state. Yunho is clingy normally, but when he’s drunk, he gets extra handsy, and tries tickling, or says stupid things and draws pattern’s on Hongjoong’s shoulders. It’s strange this time around, and the whole mood quickly gets less silly, and they both get quiet. 

“Joongie?” Yunho looks up from where his head rests on Hongjoong’s shoulder, and Hongjoong spares him a glance. “I just. Thank you. For everything, ever.”

“So eloquent, Yunho.” Hongjoong chuckles lightly. 

“No, I mean it!” Yunho pouts, and then opens his mouth again. “It’s like- you’re so nice, and you’re super kind, and you care about me, and- and it’s like- like-” Yunho stumbles over his words and then his tongue seems to get tied up in his fumbling, because his face gets pink and his face turns into a scowl, and he huffs in frustration, unable to find proper words for what he needs to say. 

“Don’t have to thank me, Yunho. I promise. It’s alright.”

“I- okay. I just- I’m gonna thank you anyways.” Yunho says, and then he’s looking at Hongjoong and sitting up a little, propped on an elbow, hovering over Hongjoong a bit. His eyes flicker down to Hongjoong’s lips, and then he squeezes his eyes shut and swoops down, kissing Hongjoong quickly, to far to be considered anything more than a peck, but it’s enough to make Hongjoong freeze, and his heart skip a beat, or possibly just stop in his chest all together, maybe he was dying, but maybe-

Yunho had just fucking  _ kissed him. _

And life goes on, like usual. There’s no discussion on it, there’s no questions on it. Hongjoong and Yunho’s lives just move on, like it never happened (except when Yunho kisses Hongjoong a second time a few days later, and then a third time another week later). And Hongjoong is  _ lost.  _ What the fuck is he supposed to do, just let Yunho go on with life, and wait until Yunho makes a move, or is he supposed to ask him out?

That sounds like an inevitable bad ending. But maybe that’s just Hongjoong being a pessimist again. 

Hongjoong can’t help but be utterly terrified of the situation.

Does Yunho actually like him, or is this his coping method with getting over Mingi?

What if they get together and break up? Would they not even be  _ friends  _ anymore?

It’s after another four days before Hongjoong calls Seonghwa for advice. 

“Just ask him out, you idiot.”

“What if it’s too soon after Mingi? I- I don’t want to be a rebound, either…” Hongjoong says quietly, yet another new anxiety forming in his brain. 

“Christ, Hongjoong. If you don’t just  _ ask him out _ , so help me god I will do it for you. Now I need to go. Grow a pair, and confess to him. Bye, Hongjoong.” Hongjoong hears a ‘coming, Yeosangie!’ in the background and then the line goes dead. 

Hongjoong sighs, and collapses on his bed. How the fuck does he  _ confess _ to his best friend? Especially with all the other… anxieties involved. 

Three weeks later, Hongjoong has everything planned out (and has been given a few more kisses from Yunho, which complicated his fuzzy, muddled, mess of a brain even further), and he’s got a whole nice home cooked dinner planned, and a vase of flowers he bought on his way home from work hidden away in his room. Yunho comes home later than Hongjoong expected, but Hongjoong was busy cooking up Yunho’s favorite dish, and singing to some ‘hype’ songs, and  _ smiling _ , something he hasn’t done much of (at least not genuine smiling) in a while.

“Hey, Joong. I’m home.” Yunho says, kicking the door shut, his nose buried in his phone, and a grin on his face. Hongjoong spares him a glance, and raises an eyebrow. Maybe Yeosang had just sent him a meme. The two of them both worked in the same veterinarian hospital, and were always in on the same jokes that vet-techs seem to have. Hongjoong shrugs and continues cooking, and Yunho heads to his bedroom. Hongjoong washes some dishes as he goes, and starts on setting the table. Plates in hand, her turns, only to see Yunho putting his shoes back on, a blazer on with his jeans and his best Gucci-brand shirt (why Yunho ever bought the thing was beyond Hongjoong).

“Yunho? Where… Where are you going? I was making your favorite tonight…” Hongjoong says cautiously. 

“Oh, I’ll just have leftovers later, but thanks for thinking of me Joong. I’m going on a date, I’ll be back late, don’t wait up for me.” 

_ ‘I’m going on a date.’ _

Hongjoong’s whole world comes crashing down, and his heart is breaking all over again. He doesn’t even realize this grip on the plates in his hands had faltered until they’re clattering on the ground, smashed to pieces. Hongjoong jumps when they hit the ground, and Yunho’s head is snapping up from his phone.

“Hongjoong? Are you okay?!” Yunho is rushing over as Hongjoong sinks to his knees to pick up pieces of shattered ceramics, tears already welling up in his eyes. He scrambles to grab the biggest of pieces,

“Fuck, shit…” is about all Hongjoong can get out, and it’s whispered under his breath, because he doesn’t trust his voice for anything more. 

“Hongjoong, be careful, please, I don’t want you to cut yourself- hey, are you crying? Joong, it’s just a couple of plates, they were old anyways, no need to be upset-”

“This isn’t about the plates, Yunho!” Hongjoong snaps, just like something inside him had moments before, at the thought of going through all that bullshit again. “It’s ceramic, I won’t fucking cut my hand on it!”

“Hongjoong, what’s wrong?” Yunho looks at him with his big puppy eyes, confusion contorting his beautiful features. The smell of smoke hits his nose, and Hongjoong swears, standing abruptly and turning to the stove, forgetting the shards of broken plate, and he hurries to the stove, where dinner was burning, and Hongjoong swears more. 

“Fucking hell, not dinner, too!” Hongjoong just about sobs. 

“Hongjoong, calm down, it’ll be okay-”

“No, it fucking  _ won’t be okay, _ Yunho!” Hongjoong shouts, shutting the stove off and removing the pan from the heat. “It won’t be, because I was doing all of this  _ for you! _ Dinner, and- and I bought you  _ flowers _ , your favorite kind, and you’re just running off unannounced with some new guy, and I’m going to get left in the dust again, I’m going to get left alone again! Go off on your date, whatever, but I’m not doing this anymore, I’m not going to support your every whim of love just to pick up all your pieces afterwards.

“You have the  _ literal worst _ taste in men- no, that’s not true, Mingi wasn’t a bad guy, not even a little bit, but you- you pick these fucking idiots any other time, and you get played so fucking often and then you’re so fucking devastated, and it fucking hurts me to see you cry over those assholes, because you deserve the world! Fuck, you deserve more than the world, Yunho, and you deserve someone who can give that to you! And you have no idea how  _ badly _ I want to be the one who gives you the universe…” Hongjoong chokes on a sob. 

“What the hell are you saying, Hongjoong?” Yunho is standing on the other side of the room, and his voice is low, and barely above a whisper. 

“I’m telling you that I’m so hopelessly in love with you, that it fucking  _ hurts _ , and you’ll never fucking see me that way! Yunho I was going to tell you this all after dinner, I was going to tell you how much you fucking mean to me, but it’s all been ruined,” Hongjoong shakes his head. “Go run away with your date, it’s fine. It’s fine, everything will be fine.” Hongjoong turns away, no longer able to stand the embarrassment of crying in front of Yunho, let alone having poured his whole heart out to Yunho. Hongjoong leans heavily on the counter, and covers his mouth with a hand, trying to muffle the sob that threatens to escape past his lips.

“Hongjoong why the  _ fuck _ do you think that I  _ kissed you _ ? All those times in the past few weeks… Jongho told me, he told me months ago, when you started going on all those dates? He told me you had feelings for me, and- and I didn’t- didn’t believe him. But I guess that was on my mind a lot, and I spent so much time just  _ wondering _ , if you actually did. And I didn’t realize how much you were hurting when I was with Mingi, but when we split, I just- I saw you sigh in relief, Hongjoong. And I  _ knew. _ ” Hongjoong hears Yunho approach, but doesn’t turn towards him, until Yunho is grabbing Hongjoong’s hip and shifting Hongjoong around until he’s facing Yunho. 

“Why didn’t you tell me after I kissed you? Any of the times that I kissed you? Now I look like a fucking asshole, Hongjoong. I thought you didn’t actually like me, and that’s why you didn’t  _ do  _ anything…” Yunho looks at him with his puppy eyes, full of worry and regret and sadness. Hongjoong’s heart to see that, and knowing that  _ he’s  _ the reason for that. 

“I was  _ scared, _ Yunho… I didn’t want to be a rebound from Mingi, and- I didn’t know if you were ready to even move on from Mingi… Not to mention our friendship, fuck, Yunho. There were so many what if’s with that, and I- I love you, endlessly, I do, but- we’re best friends, and I don’t know what I would have done if we were to break up and you never wanted to speak to me again. I can’t lose you, I can’t imagine not having you in my life, Yunho. That’s why it took me so long to say anything, and I’m sorry.”

“What are you apologizing for? These are rational worries, Hongjoong… I just wish you had told me before, because now you’re hurting all over again, and it’s my fault.” Yunho says softly, before pulling Hongjoong in for a hug. 

Hongjoong cries into his chest, panic dissolving, and sadness sitting heavily in his heart yet again, returning for a new round of agony.

“Hongjoong… I don’t care how things end between us, we will be friends afterwards, because I can’t lose you either.” Yunho says softly, pressing a kiss into Hongjoong’s hair. 

“Promise me, Yunho…” Hongjoong pushes away and holds up his pinky.

“I promise you, Kim Hongjoong. Above all else, and no matter what happens, we will be best friends. We will always be best friends, even if things go badly, even if one of us does something dumb, even if one of us gets irrationally angry, even if everything is a disaster from start to finish. We will always be best friends. I will not leave you, I will always be there. I am your best friend through and through. I promise you.” Yunho hooks his pinky with Hongjoong’s. Hongjoong sniffles and then hiccups on his tears, trying to repress another sob.

“Well then I promise you, Jeong Yunho. I’ll be there for everything, no matter what. I’m your best friend, too. And I won’t ever stop being your best friend, even if things end, even if we crash and burn, like dinner,” Hongjoong gestures to the blackened meat in the pan on the counter behind him, chuckling slightly before he just breaks down again, ugly tears streaming down his face. Yunho holds him while he cries for a little while more. They move to the couch after a few minutes, and Yunho holds Hongjoong until he stops crying. 

“Yunnie?” Hongjoong says very quietly, his tears gone for a few minutes.

“Yes, Joongie?” Yunho says back.

“I love you. A lot. Be my boyfriend? Please?” Hongjoong’s voice is tiny, and he’s hugging his knees tighter to his chest, as if it’s his only defense to rejection. 

“Of course, Hongjoong. I love you too.” Yunho smiles very gently at Hongjoong, his eyes full of fondness. And then, Hongjoong kisses Yunho, without fear. 

Because Hongjoong knows that no matter what, above all, he and Yunho are best friends.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope the ending is sufficiently happy enough. 
> 
> I think I made some people cry with this.
> 
> Follow me on Twitter for shitposts @youknow_yunho


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